5 Lies Emotional Suppression Teaches You and What to Try Instead

At the beginning of most conversations, people say the same thing when asked how they’re doing:
“I’m fine.”

Except they’re not.

You might know the feeling. You keep going. You’re productive. You’re doing everything right. But inside, you feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or like you’re carrying too much.

Emotional suppression doesn’t always look like falling apart. Often, it looks like holding everything together on the outside while shutting everything down on the inside.

Here are five of the most common lies we tell ourselves when we suppress what we feel, along with simple ways to shift the pattern.

1. “Other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.”

This sounds humble, but it’s actually a way to silence yourself. Pain isn’t a competition. Just because someone else is struggling doesn’t mean what you’re feeling doesn’t matter.

Think of emotions like water. Ignoring them doesn’t make them disappear. It’s like drowning in ten feet of water and telling yourself it doesn’t count because someone else is drowning in twenty. You’re still underwater, and you still can’t breathe.

Try this instead: Say to yourself, “My experience is real, and it’s okay to talk about it.” You don’t need permission to feel what you feel.

2. “If I let myself feel this, I’ll fall apart.”

This one is rooted in fear. But emotions are not permanent. As Dr. Richard Sears, a clinical psychologist and mindfulness teacher, explains, emotions have a natural lifespan. They rise, peak, and fall if you allow them to simply be. What keeps them stuck is when we feed them with more thoughts and judgment.

As Sears puts it, “Emotions are like waves. If you stop feeding them with thoughts, they pass on their own.”

Try this instead: When you notice a strong emotion, pause. Don’t label it good or bad. Try sitting with it. Breathe and let the feeling move through you without fueling it with stories. The less you fight it, the more quickly it passes.

3. “I should be over this by now.”

The word “should” is a red flag. It usually signals internal judgment. When we talk to ourselves like a harsh coach or disappointed parent, we create shame on top of whatever hurt is already there.

Judgmental self-talk doesn’t create change. It creates shutdown.

Try this instead: Replace “should” with curiosity. Ask yourself, “Why is this still coming up?” or “What part of this still needs care?” Let your feelings offer information, not evidence that you’re failing. That shift makes space for healing instead of shutting yourself down.

4. “If I show emotion, I’ll lose control or credibility.”

This lie is especially common in high-responsibility roles. Many people learn early that emotions are something to be managed in private, if at all. You may believe that expressing emotion makes you look unprofessional, irrational, or weak.

But bottling up emotions doesn’t eliminate them. It just delays them. And they tend to resurface in harder, less controlled ways — like snapping at someone you care about or feeling totally numb.

Try this instead: Normalize emotional honesty, starting small. You can say, “I’m frustrated,” or “That upset me” without losing control or respect. Expressing emotions with intention builds trust, both with others and with yourself.

5. “I’m fine.”

This is the most common and often the most damaging lie. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not might seem polite, efficient, or self-protective. But over time, it teaches you that your emotions don’t matter. You start to believe that they’re inconvenient, or worse, invalid.

Eventually, you stop even noticing how much you’ve been pushing down.

Try this instead: Build a habit of checking in with yourself honestly. Even if you don’t share it out loud, try finishing this sentence at the end of the day: “What I’m really feeling is…” Giving yourself space to notice and name your emotional truth is a powerful act of self-respect.

So What Now?

If you recognize yourself in any of these habits, you’re not alone. These patterns form for a reason. They’re usually about safety, control, and survival.

But survival mode isn’t meant to last forever. And suppressing your emotions doesn’t make them disappear. It just keeps you from learning what they’re trying to tell you.

Start by noticing the moments you say you’re fine when you’re not. Catch the “shoulds” in your self-talk. Pay attention to when you minimize what you feel or hold back because it doesn’t feel safe to be honest.

Shifting out of these habits is a process. It starts with one honest check-in. One quiet moment where you ask yourself, “What am I actually feeling right now?” and let the answer be whatever it is.

This work is hard, but it’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s about doing it more often.

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